I Took Plan B. Thank you, Planned Parenthood.

Sometime in the not so distant past, I needed to take the morning-after pill. I was a 38-year-old mother of a three-year-old; I was in a stable marriage. We both had advanced degrees and careers, and had planned out my first pregnancy with charts and ovulation kits. Most of my friends were onto their second children. I was, in other words, not necessarily the kind of woman you might picture when you think of Plan B.

Screen Shot 2017-01-13 at 10.18.30.pngRead on at Motherwell Magazine.

On Baby #2

The jealousy peaked when the second round of pregnancy announcements started to roll in. By then my daughter was 2 and I was 37, but neither my husband nor I had broached the subject of a second child. Instead, my tactics were cheap, comments lobbed at inopportune moments: I mentioned my (old) age and boy names I liked, and reminded him that we had to “get it done” before we left Europe, our temporary (family-friendly) home. When I got salmonella poisoning from eating bad chicken, I secretly hoped my symptoms meant I was pregnant. My husband prayed they didn’t.

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Our avoidance of the discussion, followed by our inability to agree on trying for another, was heartbreaking. It seemed to symbolize some fundamental rift in our marriage: Almost everyone we knew had — or was trying for — more than one child. Why couldn’t we handle it, too?

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I wrote this whopper for The Cut. Please read on here.

Two Newish Pieces

Summer’s over! It’s freezing here in Vienna! To celebrate the arrival of fall (here we do it with Sturm; YUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM), I have two old new pieces to share.

The most recent is a remembrance of the late Dr. Oliver Sacks, the brilliant neurologist/writer, who passed away a few weeks ago. I was lucky enough to study with him at Columbia; here I write about how he called me “the girl who writes about pain,” for Guernica. (Not exactly how a person generally wants to be known, but look, I’ll take it.)

Aaaaannnnnnnnd, on a wholly different tip, I wrote about what NOT to say to a pregnant woman (or what everyone said to me for nine long months and drove me batshit crazy), for the Manifest-Station. Any of you relate?

Happy fall, all.

xox